That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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