i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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