the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
