How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
