I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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