She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
