I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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