I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
