if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
