I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
