the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
