roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
