thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
