I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Randomize
