tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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