doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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