I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
