First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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