A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
