i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
