p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
