C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
