I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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