Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
