you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
