My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize
