new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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