okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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