i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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