I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
