Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
be right there i have to get my cape
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
