508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
