I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
