he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
