It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
