Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
