I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
