she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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