Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
