living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
