she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
thus making me awesome and them whores
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
