curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
