i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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