The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
