I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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