dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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