Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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