discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
