He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
