Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
